I Am This Woman

(15 of 50)

I’ve been trying to upload a silly video of my silly dogs in the back yard for two days now, but the software (iMovieHD) I was using doesn’t have an automatic YouTube output setting. So, the result is a really bad QuickTime video that snapshots all over the place. Not very appealing.

There is an “upgrade” for iMovie in iLife 08, which I have, but I lose the timing and transitions when I port it over into the new one. So it’s back to the drawing board to re-engineer the thing.

That’s a technical snafu. Happens all the time with any kind of creativity - you lose a Word doc in a crash, your paint separates or cracks, your yarn breaks or bleeds, the glue dries out or the paper just won’t cooperate with your vision.

So you do it over again. I try to tell myself that it means I will learn more, have a chance to make it better. But right now, I have an empty blog page and a missed self-imposed deadline. C’est la vie!

(14 of 50)

Things here at Lizard Lodge have been going along really well of late. We’re feeling a burst of creativity as the leaves pop out on trees and start loading up the chlorophyll. So many greens! I’ve been so amazed at the greens that I’d almost forgotten about the bluebonnets. But I saw some bluebonnets yesterday which reminded me that I need a wildflower fix and soon. The yards, fields, parks and highways are a riot of growth, colors, photosynthesis and life.

The boy has begun to explore iMovie and YouTube. At last. He’s been a video camera owner for a couple of years, but never showed an interest in putting it all together. But perhaps he’s been incubating. However, now, his desk, the dining room table and all available flat surfaces in his room are taken up with Bionicles who are the stars of his movies. (more…)

(13 of 50)

While waiting to reach Nirvana, one must stay busy with everyday chores. “Chop wood, carry water” is the teaching that humbles even those on the verge of enlightenment.

The utter necessity of handwork is at the heart of enlightenment and creativity. Having finished up my little movie project, and having watched it a few more times until I was a bit embarrassed of its tone, tired of finding little quibbles that I could have fixed but won’t because it’s too late… I turned my attention to the dirty kitchen. Time to do the dishes, and then do something about those tomatoes that are going to rot.

I made corn tomato salsa in the style of pico de gallo. With spring onions, cilantro and fresh jalapeño. With garlic of course. It was delicious on my humble black bean tacos tonight.

But for me, it was the simplicity of chopping tomatoes, onions, jalapenos. Cutting out the almost woody tomatoey insides, putting the little black bits in the Mother Earth bowl along with the limp and slimy bits of spring onions – taking great care to deal with the seeds and pith of the peppers so that I wouldn’t give myself “the treatment” … it was all sheer pleasure while my mind happily babbled along.

Two thoughts came out of the chopping: 1) cooking from scratch engages all five senses and the mind, and 2) compost is nothing short of a miracle. (The Mother Earth bowl is the designated spot for compost scraps and gets dumped out there almost every day. Almost.) More on these later.

As for carrying laundry, thank Maude for a good washer and dryer because such mod-cons elevate the drudgery of hauling and heating water, hauling and wringing wet clothing to a near-scientific and aesthetically pleasing task.

(Plus when the child(ren) get(s) home, you can point to the folded stacks and say, “Put those away, or I’ll nag you.”)

(12 of 50)

The day started out dark and stormy. Seriously! it did! after it rained, there was a lightness and softness to the air, and of course there was the sun as well. The day was spent in a floaty haze of finishing my creative project and preparing to go on a business trip to present it.

Fast forward, and the trip may not happen because of an unforeseen circumstance that might be a blessing in disguise.

So, the laundry is done, the project is done with time to spare for FedEx to send it instead of me, and new insights into my creative process have been revealed. Do I really need the performance, the presentation, the audience feedback to validate my creativity? We’ll see. I liked doing the presentation. I like the presentation itself and hope my bosses do too, but not having to be there (as it stands at the 11th hour) is also not a bad feeling!

Perhaps I should be more worried? Maybe I’m still riding high on the creative waves…

(11 of 50)

There’s such a thing as just chillin’ and hanging out and goofing off. There’s another thing that I have discovered, which I’ll call creative down time for lack of a better term.

After working hard on a paper, a set of prints in the darkroom or a detailed fiddly bit of knitting, I have often pushed back in desperation and just gone to take a shower, make a cup of tea, go in another room, or throw the tennis ball for the dog.

Invariably, though it’s never really fully intentional, I come up with a solution to the fiddly problem I was pondering and not getting anywhere with… sometimes, it comes out of the clear blue sky, sometimes it all seems to be worked out when I get back to the keyboard, the books, the knitting. If I take a break <i>in order to find a solution</i>, then my monkey mind will start flinging poo and acting very very badly. No, I have to tell myself that I am taking a REAL break because I’m sick and tired of the project.

I have built this into my writing process, usually by allowing myself plenty of time during the working phase and at the end, right up to the deadline. If I allow myself an extra day, or two hours in the morning of a due date, then I can sleep on it and do a final revision.

And it just happened today while I was throwing together an iMovie (which is what I use instead of PowerPoint these days). I finally got all my images together and scored, and now I am counting on a good night’s sleep to come up with the voiceover script, which *has* to be done tomorrow in between a couple of appointments and before the (noisy) boy comes home from school.

Speaking of good night’s sleep, that’s where I’m going now!

(9 of 50)

Collecting things and putting them into artful arrangement is uniquely satisfying - this is the very definition of collage. But that’s a final step. First, there must be the sourcing and collecting.

I’ll discuss sourcing later, but first collecting. Humans quite simply LOVE collections and collecting. You can find a collector’s group for almost anything. Archaeologists stake their careers on the collecting habits of ancient folks; museums are temples of collected works. Anthologies, compendiums, lists of lists, memoirs and coffee table books attest to the power of the collection.

I work in publishing, so for me, reading a magazine is not the pleasurable pastime that it might be for others. I notice the editorial and advertising, the fonts, the layout of a page, of the book, the special advertising sections…

BUT when I get magazines and “read” them with scissors in hand, I enjoy them so much more. I cut phrases from advertising, callouts, titles. I swatch textures and interesting images. I crop and re-crop models, landscapes for a new feel to the full-page photo. All these bits and pieces go into a huge pile from which I draw when I sit down (usually later) to make a collage.

I don’t think too much when I’m leafing through. I just let my brain take over and I listen to the inner creative spirit. This part of me is already digesting the pieces of the magazine, and then putting them together again to take on the intended meaning. So as I page through, with scissors in hand, I don’t work so hard to put the pieces together as the editors intended, but instead look for the hint of a suggestion that a color or line or texture or turn of phrase might someday recombine in an artful way for new significance.

The little bits go into a stack, which is then stored in a page protector and filed away for the next time I sit down to make a collage. And that is another process entirely

Sometimes, I do read an article before I cut into it. I also have a clip file of collected articles that I want to read again or share. (I collect those too!)

When you think of what it is that you enjoy collecting, see if you can determine what quality or sensation drives that impulse? Is it color? line? texture? Is it tactile or olfactory? Is it a mood or feeling? Is it a sense of wealth and abundance? Is it nostalgia?

Whatever the reason, collecting is powerful, deep brain stuff, almost a force primeval.

(8 of 50)

I have been ill most of the day in that fuzzy-brained sinus-involved way. My mantra could be DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. So here’s a little potpourri. (My intention is to follow up “Happy Place” and discuss creativity and some things I’m doing and reading, but I’m in my DUHHHHH place at present.)

Totally enjoying Season 4 of Dr. Who on the Sci-Fi Channel.

Tomorrow is Free Comic Book Day, nation-wide. So take a comic book lover to the local store and meet some artists! or score a free comic book.

This weekend is also, in most Latino-populated cities*, Cinco de Mayo (which is not Mexican Independence Day) but still a good time for margaritas, barbacoa, pico de gallo and flan. (*And as George Lopez says, with 39 million in the U.S., it’s hard NOT to find a Latino.)

Meanwhile, my sick bed is stacked with the following books: Photocraft, How To Talk So Your Kids Will Listen… The Primal Teen and Atonement. I graze when I read. Is this late-onset ADD? The last book to engage me so fully that I rearranged my day to read was any of the Harry Potter books. But I’m always hopeful for a new author, a new series.

Some wonderful springy videos of the dogs and a rare photo of me are in the pipeline for uploading very soon…

(7 of 50)

In the midst of a lot of business and busyness, I found a happy place today. It began with collecting a number of items together in a folder on my computer with the intention of making a little presentation for work. And I was drawn to it. I wanted to get back to the project when I was pulled away. I thought about it when I wasn’t actively working on it.

And I thought AH HA! that’s IT. The happy place. It’s about the middle 3/4th of the creative process for me. The first 1/8th (hey, I can do math!) is often frustration, defining a problem, getting annoyed or antsy about something, then moving into this collection, gathering and playful creative stuff…. until finally inspiration is on the wane, the deadline approaches, or I have lost interest. Then, to get it done (if it has to be done), there’s 1/8th more work to be done, and it’s finished.

Some things don’t require finishing. I have a couple of sewing projects in a box - still with pins and patterns. All that potential waiting to emerge! I have too many knitting and paper craft projects undone.

I like to think that’s the hallmark of a great artist. Leaving things undone with all that potentiality just oozing out, ready to spark new ideas like a little banked ember in a bed of ashes.

There are mental bookmarks in that desktop folder. Tomorrow when I get started, all the energy and juice for the project will still be there. I can’t wait!

(5 of 50)

This video (20 min.) is a fascinating look at so many things: creativity, world economy, myth, intelligence and the need to change our thinking. The connections between world health and world wealth are graphically illustrated by Dr. Hans Rosling, a Swedish researcher and innovator. Not only is he a role model, but I am going to look at this video again because I got so many ideas from it - ideas for myself, for how I want to contribute to the world, and what I want to teach my son.

Always with great intentions for writing posts, I think about my blog all the time. I eat at a restaurant and see an interesting/funny table. “I’ll blog that!” Then I forget.

When driving along, I see a bumper sticker or hear a song, and a confluence of ideas takes place. I think, “ah, that would be good to work out in a blog entry! I’ll do that when I get home.” Then I forget.

I have little notebooks in my purse. In the car. I have lots of pens. I like to shop for pens and notebooks. I browse websites with writing tools, writing books and writing advice. And yet, I can go for a month without posting in my blog.

Time to wake up. In fact, I am approaching a milestone birthday, and I have an idea. I may regret this in a few days, but here is the plan for waking up my creative spirit, for invoking the Muse(s) and beginning (continuing) my writing life.

“Fifty to Fifty” is the title I made up in the car. I toyed with “50 2 50″ or “Fifty2Fifty” or 50250 or “Fifty to 50″… but the gist is that I propose to write an entry a day, for the fifty days leading up to my 50th birthday. Which is June 15. That means I start on April 26, but since I plan to celebrate June 15 in a special way and may not be near a keyboard, I will start on April 25. Yes. That is my plan.

Since coming up with this creative inspiration, I have been listing (in my head) a number of topics. Will I have a subtheme? an agenda? I don’t know. All I know is that despite the arbitrary nature of the calendar and time, my brain and psyche somehow KNOWS about these birthdays. My 40th was fantastic. My online friends made that day amazing for me. And now I want to give back.

My 50th birthday will not be the big media event as was Oprah’s. I hope my hair looks good, but honestly I just want meet it however it comes. In haste, in abandon, in justice, in peace, in consternation, in revelry (or Ravelry!), in ceremony, in joy, in Austin.

I confess that I contemplated lying. Yes, 50 is a good year to start lying about my age, I thought. I rehearsed all the birthdates and age differences I’d have to adjust. I’d have to lie on a daily, cellular basis. I’d also have to forget stuff, like JFK’s assassination. Jim Fowler’s appearances on The Tonight Show. I’d have to get serious about plastic surgery.

No thanks. I’d rather redefine 50 for myself, for readers, for friends who are not yet there. So, just buckle in and play along, friends. It’s going to be a fun ride. 50 is the new 50.