I Am This Woman

To show my pedigree a little bit, I have edited the Holidailies writing prompt for today a la Bourdieu. (Bill if you’re reading this, I’m giving a little Gallic shrug as I type.) (Keep reading below the cut. There’s free beer!)

Pierre Bourdieu wrote about meconnaisance, which translates as mis-remembering. This literary and philosophical construct posits that we can never really know the past. It is only a memory, and a subjective one at that. We often construct a past to suit our needs, whether they be nostalgic or dystopianistic.

Thus, despite all best efforts, we only remember a faulty past and are doomed to build our current reality upon that mistake. By acknowledging this inevitable flaw as part of our sociological and cultural practices, we can somewhat overcome the effect of our subjectivity. If we are aware of our inherent and natural desire to mis-remember, to forget and replace the gaps in our memory with more desirable (or impeachable) thoughts, then we as a culture can continue our group hypnosis of what History, the past, memory and tradition ought to be.

“We’ve never done it that way before.” “Every year, this is how we do it.” “Isn’t it nice that we have an unbroken chain of …” “It wouldn’t be Christmas without …

If we think about traditions and faulty memory, how this season one of (mis)giving becomes pretty clear, doesn’t it? Who hasn’t gotten a gift that needed returning? It’s the wrong size, it’s the wrong color, it’s completely inappropriate, it’s just covered in wrong sauce. There are complications too: do we keep it and get it out when Aunt Minnie comes over? Do we regift? Do we send it away to the land of thoughtless presents (aka the thrift store or eBay)? These are not exactly the thoughts that jive with the season of giving, which is why I add the (mis). Our giving is broken, faulty. The tradition needs revision, tuning up, inspection at the very least.

Yet we are NOT going to abandon it altogether. What would happen if we did? Why, the same thing that happened when we started buying Japanese and German cars in larger quantities! Do you want another bailout? No? then go buy me some Godivas, dammit!

And what about those more complicated gift exchanges where someone gets their feelings hurt? A large extended family on one side of the marriage has a custom, and fails to adequately incorporate the new blended family of Little Brother’s new wife and her two kids from a previous marriage. The kids get shorted or overwhelmed, the couple might overspend because they are trying to impress everyone, and the whole situation creates resentment so thick it rivals the cranberry sauce (or the gravy, if you’re at my house). Even longstanding families run into trouble when everyone is far-flung, no one knows sizes anymore, and the kids are past the “play with the box” stage.

Why can’t we just give beer? Free beer on Christmas day. It’s a win-win, I think. Everyone gets a little bit happy (but not drunk), the economy is stimulated, and then we all kind of nod off in our chairs after turkey dinner. It’s neat, it’s clean, and everyone stays off the streets.

I heard a report (it was hardly news) on NPR this morning about “green giving.” The woman didn’t really have much to say, other than “give gifts of service, give something handmade.” Haven’t we been doing that for quite a while? Us poor folks, that is. I start knitting, I whip up some bean soup mixes with spice packet, I make Texas Caviar, and I also have a fruit cake/spice cake that is really special. Hug coupons, babysitting chits, certificates for a home-cooked meal. I asked TigerCub this morning to clean his room fully and completely by Christmas Eve as his present to me. While, yes, I would like something under the tree (something Godiva, I think), I really and truly will appreciate the clean room so much more. (He’s too young to buy me beer.)

The tradition of gift exchange is in horrible need of fixing in America. I hear more bad stories about exchanges than I do good ones. Some of them are funny, but with money tight and the economy in the toilet, it’s just not that funny this year.

I recognize that December is a wacky time — the irrational season. But if we scaled back our giving TODAY, NOW, THIS YEAR, instead of talking about doing that, I wonder what would happen in January when the bills come? I wonder if we would have more energy to keep the giving spirit alive in February, March, August?

Again, I could be misremembering what things are like at other times of the year. Is my subjectivity about the holidays colored too much by my grief? Maybe we as a culture are doing alright on gift exchange — getting a B+ — and these stories of misgiving(s) are blown out of proportion by a bunch of gawkers and whiners.

If it is a “season of giving,” let’s just stop and buff up our auras. Sure, if you believe Bourdieu, we can’t really know when our subjectivity is getting in the way, but we can stop and rethink, and act from our better natures. It’s the thought that counts, right? And for goodness sake, let’s just have a beer and have fun.